In the lead up to Mothers Day, I feel like it’s time for me to share this particular part of my life and share my heart on the topic of not having my mother around and grieving. I’m not sure how often we discuss grief in church and there’s possibly a few churches that are covering the topic however I haven’t heard it discussed as much and I wish I did because I believe it is essential, in terms of how you move forward.
This post may not be for everyone or you may just relate with the feelings that I share in this post but either way, I pray it blesses someone and reminds them that they are not alone and their feelings are not wrong.
A lot of people may know already, but I lost my mother when I was 7, she passed away with HIV. She got really sick when I was around 5/6 and at that time I began to care for her. I bathed her, made sure she ate, went to the shop with her cheque book and a list of things she needed. Until this day, I can vaguely remember how to do her signature. It sounds unreal but that was my reality at the time.
There were nights it got bad, she would wake up screaming, one particular night she was screaming, ‘someone’s trying to kill me’ only for me to find that she had fallen asleep on a plastic cup, so it was digging into her back. I removed the cup and tucked her into bed and laid next to her. It wasn’t traumatic at the time for me, possibly because I didn’t process it, all I knew was to care for my sick mother, it was almost instinct.